but everythingmeans nothing.
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Well.. nobody is perfect, so does life... When u look around.. U might think that u are living in hell, coz there are so many happy faces around you.. and you really wish to be like them. But think again.. everyone wears a mask.. there will definitely be a sad story behind those faces.. so instead of thinking u are far worst among them.. why not just live life to the fullest? Ur life is in ur hands.. no one can destroy it EXCEPT urself.. Look into the present and not the past. That's what I've learnt this year.. and my life is so much happier.. Why? I've learnt to let go of the past.. and brave enough to move on. Also.. appreciate what U have now.. instead of looking around at other ppl.. look at urself.. there will definitely be some "nice nice" stuff in ur life.. and you just have to appreciate them. Me? What I appreciate is.. I have a roof over my head (not like some ppl who dun even have a hse), have 3 full meals everyday (some ppl starve to death), healthy life (some ppl die of cancer and such), nice friends (some ppl have none), wonderful boyfriend (it's hard to find one) and etc.. I used to detest life.. but now.. I love my life alot.. and I wanna live on.. to find out more wonders about my life.. Yapz.. LOLZ..
So surprised that I was able to start studying today.. Thanks darling for accompanying me.. It's nice to have a studying partner around.. at least U won't be bored..and the good thing is we won't get distracted~ Lolz.. and we did our revision pretty fast.. tomorrow another whole day of studying I suppose.. hope it would be a fruitful day.. Alright.. gtg now!! See ya again!
if i ain't got you|1:50 AM|
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
I am kinda grouchy this morning and I don't know why.. Hahahz.. must be becoz of the insufficient sleep for the past few days.. It all started on Saturday... The girls went to KTV then proceed to Serangoon Gardens for dinner then overnight Mahjong~ Hahahaz.. I slept at about 7a.m in the morning! Then I woke up about 11 plus later on.. coz have to go and pick my my classmates (mainly the guys) and drive to Seet Wei hse.. Why is it so.. Well, celebrating Yao Cong's birthday and also Xin Hui's. Hahaz.. it was great fun.. First time in Seet Wei's hse.. looks like a holiday resort.. with pool table and swiming pool and such.. Hehez.. then that day swam in the pool with Darling.. almost puked.. Lolz.. I think becoz I ate too full. Then after that.. Stayed awake until 6 am bahz.. During this time.. I tried to take short moments of naps (which was unsuccessful), also.. Darling taught me how to play pool.. Hehehz.. Last time.. I tried to learn from Ernest.. BUt I juz couldn't do it.. becoz of the pressure he was giving me and he was kinda impatient with me.. But Darling has a different way of teaching me.. He is very patient with me and at least he prasies me once in a while.. Lolz.. Thanks Darling! =mUackz= (*psSt, did I tell U that Darling is good in pool?) Hmm.. then the next day.. reached home about 4pm.. then after that [played gunbound for a while.. then pOoF* I went out again.. This time with Darling.. went to watch Starksy & Hutch.. hehez.. the movie was kinda cute.. Not bad.. worth watching bahz.. LOlz.. LAst night slept at about 2 plus.. now wake up.. going to school soon.. sianz.. Lolz.. I wonder whenwill I start studying.. Hehehez..
if i ain't got you|10:17 AM|
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Hehhez.. playing gunbound now.. Well.. now I know why almost everyone is addicted to it.. Hahaz.. especially Darling and his friends.. Well, give it a try.. in case you got nothing to do at home.. Today had this Distinction Presentation.. Well, it was recommended by our ITIPJ tutor.. Dr Tan.. to see if our project could get a Distinction.. I doubt I will, I get a 'B' I can laugh le.. Lolz.. Somemore wad distinction.. Hmm.. Darling, Ben, Emily, Doreen got in.. Yapz.. Congrates to all of them too! I think I can get in also becoz of Darling and Ben lorhz.. without them working together with me.. I think I will be lost.. Lolz.. Well.. guess I am going to enjoy the next two days.. tomorrow going KTV with the girls.. then go Chomp Chomp.. then overnight Mahjong.. The next day.. go Seet Wei's hse "ton".. First time le.. kinda excited.. heard that his hse got lotsa things to play.. Mahjong.. Pool.. Swimming.. BBQ... etc.. Hehehz.. Then I think only start studying much later.. Lolz..This semester was never a stress to me.. Dunnoe why.. especially after I met Darling.. so glad that he didn't give me any pressure or wadsoever.. Hiaz.. so long never blog properly le.. Today was somehow the last day of school.. going Year 3 le!! Hehehz.. Can't wait!
if i ain't got you|12:21 AM|
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Projects are finally over...hmmm.. dun really feel anything.. Maybe becoz not everything is over.. I still have my exams.. sianz.. dun wanan tok wad happen today.. it's juz kinda depressing in some ways.. it's always like that.. Hahaz.. maybe tomorrow will be a better day!
if i ain't got you|7:58 PM|
HEyzzz...... After tomorrow.. it will be over! Yea! Not about Exams Arhz... about Projects.. Hehehzz.. Yea yea~ Feeling kinda happy and relaxed. Exams still about 2 weeks later bahz.. Hmmm.. guess tomorrow after the presentation will be going home to slp or smthing.. very tired and sleepy.. And Darling might be going out with the guys.. and who knows.. I might finish my "Huan Zhu Ge Ge 3" tomorrow.. Lolz.. getting more exciting~ But still got a report to submit on Friday.. sianz.. Hahahaz.. After doing this project.. I've really seen how ugly have all of us become.. Hahaz.. maybe it's becoz of the last year experience bahz.. Cannot blame.. Well.. good luck to everyone tomorrow!! And to me too!
if i ain't got you|12:17 AM|
Monday, April 19, 2004
It's been a long time my heart actually bleed.. well.. not that Darling has hurt me.. in fact, I've hurt him in a way. And I really felt bad about it. For a long time, I really felt at a loss and was in despair.. thoughts were running through my head. I was so so so afriad that he will ignore me.. and turn his back on me forever. That was when I've realise, he is really VERY important to me. He places such a special place in my heart. Not only he wasn't mad at me.. he even consoled me.. and I felt even more guilty. HOw I wish.. he could really scold me.. maybe I've felt much better. Anyway, things between us were cleared up, still the same, no fights or quarrels involved... Darling is really a sweet and nice guy. Forever in his arms, I will will safe and secure. Thanks Darling. Thanks for everything.
if i ain't got you|2:07 AM|
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Finally.. 4 more days to go.. and the torture will be over.. Yes.. Can't wait.. Can't wait~~~
if i ain't got you|7:23 PM|
Thursday, April 15, 2004
I am so fucking pissed... There are a group of IMMATURE guys in the school lab making so much noise.. Especially one of them.. Laugh like mad man.. WTF~ Here trying to do my coding and they laugh and play like nobody business. Fuck Them.
Yea.. I am not in a good mood... so don't bug me!
if i ain't got you|9:30 PM|
What my Heart Wants to Say
by Gareth Gates
you're amazing
so amazing
have I told you
enough
you're my angel
guardian angel
god knows I've been blessed with love
but if I been gone tomorrow
would you know how deep my loves goes
have I ever told you
you're the one
if the words don't come my way
hope its still love
hope it still shows
if the words don't come my way
hope you still know what my heart wants to say
words so tender
I surrender
to this feeling
so true
my affirmation
my inspiration
darling I have been blessed with you
if the words don't come my way
hope you still know
hope it still shows
if the words don't come my way
I hope you still know what my heart wants to say
but if I be gone tomorrow
would you know how deep my loves goes
if I was gone forever
would you know how much I care
you make me feel like flying
and failing all emotion
that everytime you look at me
you see it in my eyes
if the words don't come my way
I hope you still know
if the words don't come my way
I hope you still know
I hope it still shows
if the words don't come my way
I hope you still know
what my heart wants to say
if the words don't come my way
I hope you still know
hope it still shows
if the worst don't come my way
I hope you still know
I hope it still shows
I hope still you know
what my heart wants to say
For U Darling.. For our 2nd Month Together..
if i ain't got you|12:21 PM|
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Hi there.. in my school lab now.. Everyone around me is doing their ITIPJ.. but why am I not doing? Reason being becoz I've somehow finished what I've planned to do today.. Although there are much more.. but I am really sianz.. Now having a headache now.. must be becoz of the hot weather.. Now I am trying to research on my Business Communication project.. Haiz.. so sianz.. Next Wednesday.. have to present my ITIPJ and Biz Com.. It sux.. everything is in a rush.. Don't think can even reherse on Tuesday.. Coz I think everyone will be "bia-ing" on ITIPJ.. Anyway.. ITIPJ is one core module mind u.. Didn't want to do badly too.. But Biz Com also have a heavy weightage.. 30%. Haiz.. Forget it.. Next week after Wednesday.. All projects are over and it calls for a celebration.. Can't wait for that day to come.. Alright.. now I think I go back to do my bix com.. rehersing with my grp mates on Friday and I've not done anything yet! Gosh!
if i ain't got you|5:22 PM|
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Well.. this is already week 15 and week 16, I have to submit 2 projects.. week 17, study week and week 18 and 19, examination week. Juz about one more month.. and everything will be over.. Pretty fast eh? I am going to be Year 3 soon. I am pretty glad that Darling and I could work things out in a nice and peaceful way.. Luckily none of us has that bull's temper and we understand each other's problems. Since the start of the busy weeks (forgot when), both of us have been stressing up. And that feeling of closeness is not that "close" anymore? Not in terms of phyiscally I mean.. Maybe in the past, we have more time and we used to have heart to heart talks.. and now.. wad we really talk about are only projects and projects.. HAhaz.. I sent Darling a message yesterday, asking if anything had gone wrong, just in case I am too sensitive. Well.. Darling immediately called me and somehow feeling remorseful about it. Darling.. a message for u: you don't have to feel remorseful about it, even if I have to blame someone or something, it would be those damn school projects and assignments.
Darling promised me that things will turn out better after everything is over.. and I promised him smthing in return too.. hehehezz..
I've realised sometihing yesterday, which is really freaky... Darling could actually guessed what's going on in my mind even though those thoughts are out of no where. He juz said what I was thinking and my heart actually skipped abit.. I was so surprised.. Hahaz.. Darling.. I won't tell u wad is it.. U go and think about it.. Hahazz.. Well.. he is really one sensitive bf.. Later going to school and meet Darling at 2.30 pm.. he asked me not to have a heavy lunch and leave my stomach for something else.. I wonder what is it..
I've gained weight.. obviously.. even without weighing.. I also know arhz.. Both Darling's and my mother laughed at us.. Coz we have gained weight after we have found each other.. Darling's mother was commenting on Darling's additional layer.. ahhaaz.. and just only yesterday, my mother hit my butt and laugh.. saying I fat liao.. Guess we must know our limits... I am trying to cut down as much as possible.. 5 meals become 3 meals.. and now I am trying to cut down into 2 meals.. I should be alright since I am eating dietary pills and I guess skipping a meal won't be a problem. Oh well.. I have to go back to my work.. enough of slacking here..
if i ain't got you|1:06 PM|
Monday, April 12, 2004
I'm very exhausted... very...
if i ain't got you|10:28 PM|
Well.. I've made full use of my time today.. After I woke up, I was immediately onto my computer.. doing my Assignment. Well, forgot to have my breakfast and when it was already 1.20pm, I've yet to have my lunch. Darling got to know about it and he almost reprimanded me.. Kinda scared though.. He can be really fierce if he wants to.. Wei Long, Benji, Serene and Darling came over to my hse today.. Full force doing the assignment.. Well, in the end, Benji, Serene and Wei Long left first.. then only left with Darling and ME trying to solve the stupid codes.. Well.. had done our best.. Hope that our tutor will be satisfied tomorrow. It's good to work together with Darling.. Although working might be stressful, but with ur loved one beside you.. stress is nothing.. Hehez.. Work might equals to fun.. Yapz.. Well, Shannen is attached~ Yapz.. So here, I would like to wish U all the best! And goOd Luck!! U will have all my blessings~
if i ain't got you|2:50 AM|
Friday, April 09, 2004
Well.. rememebr not long ago, I've posted a quiz about me? And there's a question.. When is the saddest moment in my life? Well... most of them got it wrong. The answer was when Ernest broke off with me.. and I was toking about the first time he broke off with me. I dunnoe why, I feel like writing down my thoughts and I've came out with a long story about me.. about my relationship with Ernest and Darling. There goes...
My Deepest Thoughts
It's no doubt that I am leading a happy life now
and it is so much better than the past.
I finally get to know how is it like to be pampered and be loved by the one you love.
The feeling is indescribable.
The fate with my first love had ended not long ago
There were both sweet and bitter memories.
4 long years,
and I could hardly remember what was like when I first fell in love.
So vague.
I thought he was the one,
the one I am going to live with for the rest of my life.
I was full of hope,
until then, one fine day,
he tore my heart apart.
That was when I've experienced the worst days of my life.
I couldn't accept the fact that he wanted to leave me,
and death did came across my mind.
Wild thoughts and questions kept running through my head.
Why? Why? Why?
And I thought, I might be better off without him.
After 14 days, he came back to me.
It was like God took pity on me and gave me a chance to reborn.
Thought it was the best gift ever,
but I was so dead wrong.
Life with him again started off pretty well,
even better than before.
Not until when our fate started to change.
Quarrels had started to heated up with rage.
Although we did not quarrel as much,
just because I kept quiet most of the time.
I always thought that there was still some hope left in this relationship.
But still, he gave me a cold shoulder most of the time.
I still loved him as much,
but the trust was not there anymore.
Many good guys came across my path,
and I always wondered,
why he couldn't be like them?
I yearned his love so much,
so much till I was willing to wait.
I've waited in vain.
Nothing changed.
14 January 2004,
a memorial day to be embarked on.
A day when my new life had begun,
but I didn't know.
Yes, a guy came into my life,
slowly and unknowingly.
The sparks between us became stronger.
He was more than a friend to me.
He gave me care and attention which I've always wanted from my first love.
I thought he was only a good friend to me,
but things ain't so simple.
I didn't dare to think of developing this sweet relationship,
I didn't dare to think of destroying this wonderful friendship.
Just because I'm afraid I took him for a substitute
and it might only be one-sided.
My feelings were unsure for quite some time
and I've always prayed to God,
to give me a definite answer in my heart.
My wish came true again.
Something happened to make me realised what's going on.
The moment I shed tears for this guy,
I came to know,
where my heart belongs.
A huge stone was lifted off my shoulders,
I never felt so good.
Now, this guy is right beside me.
I never took him for a substitute.
I have feelings for him all the while,
just that I am too proud to admit.
He is someone whom I've always wanted.
I never get this kind of nice treatment before,
or maybe I had, but it was a long long time ago.
Everything seems so perfect and wonderful.
But now,
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that it would be like another dream bubble to me.
A bubble which will burst before I even realised it.
I Love Him
and
He Loves Me.
What more could I ask for?
Even he is to leave me,
it's meant to be.
I am happy now.
Love is never easy from the start.
if i ain't got you|2:30 PM|
Thursday, April 08, 2004
Took my tests results yesterday and today, surprisingly I did better than I've expected. Also.. Dr Tan wanted to see how our project is progressing and he saw mine. What I gave him was my XML Assignment.. and he was okie about it.. Hahaz.. smoked through~ Slept alot last night.. but I'm still very tired..
Well.. I am going to take this time to reflect on myself.. and maybe I need some time to be in my own world..
if i ain't got you|10:45 PM|
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Finally... one project down.. left 3 more..... Oh well.. a busy week haad passed... exams are approaching but then I still have 3 more projects to go.. pathetic arhz? Well.. no choice, the school system is in this way. It seems like I haven't been out for a very long time.. wad I am toking about is really go at least Orchard and walk walk.. I did that every week in the past.. but now.. Seems like the only places I have gone to for the past 2 weeks are school and home. IT's so like my Secondary school life. 2 weeks seems short arhz.. but then.. hahaha.. to me it's a TORTURE~ Missed by one week can die already.. LOLZ... Finally, today can rest alittle while.. but tomorrow have to start on my another project again.. Very sxhausted.. many of my friends are falling sick and feeling very exhausted and made us all very fustrated and short-tempered.. Spo people.. chill alright.. Hang in there.. one more month, and everything will be over soon.. Yapz.. in fact.. 2 more weeks and all our projects will be over.. I would like to apologize first if I was very harsh to anyone out there.. well.. this phase is especially stressful. I waan break the record by not going to the doctors this sem.. hahahz.. but dun think I can make it. well, not that I am unwell, juz that becoz of my bruise, my mother practically have to drag me to the docs.. don't have the time.. Wanted to go today, but the clinic wasn't open today. Suay~ Yah.. juz used an egg to roll over it.. Hahaz.. hope that it will get better soon.. although it somehow still hurts if I happen to add alittle pressure to it. Well.. that's all I guess.. Juz finished my quizzes.. feeling accomplished~ LOLZ.
if i ain't got you|3:29 PM|
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!
Click here if U have not done!!!
if i ain't got you|11:08 PM|
Sunday, April 04, 2004
I dunnoe why.. feeling rather down these few days... danced like mad last night.. lost in my thoughts for a few moments, buried myself into work.. didn't want to talk so much. Hahaz.. maybe my so-called alittle "Depressed" project is carrying out. Good, I might lose a little weight. And I would like to say.. it's no one fault. It's juz =ME= And stupid hell.. got another new bruise on my left arm.. about the same place where I had my current bruise. I hit on the door knob. Stoopid me.
if i ain't got you|10:40 PM|
Came across a nick yesterday.. smthing like... "I dun care if U are not happy with Me, I can't please everyone" Well.. it's so true.. so many ppl out there.. how many can U please? Well.. yapz.. that's it.. Later having project discussion over my hse at 1.. Now feeling drowsy and tired.. and world is like spinning around.. My mother is kinda getting worried for me.. She knows I've been slping late almost every night.. and she bought some dietary pills for me.. supposingly to eat at least 2 everyday.. Never eat.. will get scolded.. LOlz. My bruise is not well yet, in fact it hurts again.. I can't seem to place my hand straight.. it's been a week plus.. and the bruise is still there... and it doesn't seem to fade any sooner... maybe it will take another week to heal. And then.. sad case.. finished my exams on 12 May.. so late.. dun even know when's my attachment.. if it's this coming holi.. then I think rest for less than a week only.. and kinda scared.. coz I dunnoe how my boss will be like and stuff.. the ppl I am working with..sianz..
if i ain't got you|10:20 AM|
Friday, April 02, 2004
Heya!! Phew.. finally submitted the mini-project~~ Lolz.. very tired now.. feel like sleeping.. coz it's like slept about 3 hours yesterday? Oh yah.. Today's Doreen birthday.. and of coz her Bear, Max.. Lolz.. prepared lotsa surprises for her~ Many presents, flowers and even booked a restaurant somewhere.. Park Mall I think.. Lolz.. so sweet man. Hheez...oh yah.. browsed through friendster.. and got to know that Ernest is attached.. Lolz.. Congrates!! Hahaz... Juz hope that he will treat her well.. Yapz.. Juz now.. my mother was laughing at me.. and she said " You like abit fa(1) fu(2).. haha... too happy until like that arhz?" I was like -_-". Means I really casnnot eat too muhc anymore arhz.. maybe make myself depressed abit.. (Siao Arhz) Cannot lahz.. Haha.. whenever there's Darling around.. I juz can't be depressed unless it's about some other matters lahz.. Hhaahaz... so tired.. Tomorrow still have to pick the kids up.. somemore study XML Prac and Quiz.. test on Tuesday.. no Time liao.. coz Tuesday need to submit MR report and Wednesday presentation.. Sianz lahz.. so today end of rest day!
if i ain't got you|10:47 PM|
What am I doing here so late in the night.. Erm.. or should I say morning? Well.. juz had a few hours of sleep..and now I seemed to be kinda awake coz of the cold bath. I wasn't feeling too good in the morning coz I did not really try to do my mini-project better. By right.. I could have juz handed up and scored a C or D. But thanks to my Darling and Benji.. those 2 experts had really helped me alot.. Thanks! And now.. I am feeling so muhc better.. Oh Yah.. 1April.. April's Fool Day.. but it's also Wee Leng's birthday~ And now 2 April.. Doreen's BIrthday~ Lolz.. so coincidence! Anyway, Happy birthday to U two!! May all ur dreams come true! It might be tough being older.. but nevertheless stay young and happy k? Lolz.. Alright.. gotta try to get some sleep man.. early class.. LOlz.. After tomorrow.. I finally can take a short break.. my short means less than a day.. Havre to start wokring on Saturday again.. Anyway.. did I tell U that my submisson for my mini-project is later at 5pm? Well.. it will lift off my load.. See ya!
if i ain't got you|4:40 AM|
